Sometimes your [20-something] and standing in the kitchen of your [apartment or] house, making breakfast and [maybe] brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to [school or] work and [doing everything you need to do that day], and also more exciting things like books you [may be reading], and trips you want to go on, and relationships that are springing into existence, or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your own skin or in your house and you just want to go home but “Mom [and Dads]” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else but just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person make you feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over, the coffee’s done. You’re going to breath in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.
That’s it. That’s everything I’m feeling right now. Overwhelming amounts of stress packed onto my school life. Almost too much for me to handle. It’s been affecting me so much. Too much. I sit here…putting off my finance homework for a few more moments as I chug down some ice cold water and migraine relief medicine. These next 4 weeks (1 month, whichever sounds more appealing) will be h-e-double hockey sticks for me.
How will I endure it? No, not a time countdown to summer, because THAT is stressful in itself. I will only cope with hot showers and a whole lot of Jesus-worship music to put me in a better, uplifting mood — making me thankful that I have the opportunity to have supportive parents, friends, family, and to have a God that has given me the opportunity, drive, and motivation for a career. I’ve learned that grades cannot reflect my inner self and who I really am. So, I try my ultimate hardest, but I go to bed at a reasonable time and what’s done that day is done.
The next morning, I’ll repeat my daily routines, being as driven as ever (am I trying to convince myself right now?). I haven’t been THIS tired in a very long time…but I have to remember that times like these is when I most need to rely on Christ for strength and for Him to elongate my restless nights.
The following are encouraging verses for you peeps. Write em on your mirror, sticky note your bedroom wall, but it on your dashboard in your car…I dare you!
Matthew 6:30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ.
1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.